By Alex Kleiner '04

No one has ever confused Captain Deerfield with a bird or a plane. He has never been seen spinning webs, hopping skyscrapers, or rescuing beautiful women from evil villains (although he says he would do so if given the chance).

No matter. His role at Deerfield is clear: to inspire the student body This year's Captain Deerfield is Alex Hammerschlag '04-Deerfield morale booster and kryptonite to Choate fans. In an interview, he spelled out his plans.

The Scroll: Alex, so many great men have filled Captain Deerfield's shoes before you. What was your first reaction upon receiving this honor?
Captain Deerfield: When Wick [Huffard '03] handed me all of his clothes except his green Speedo, I was speechless. I mean, I was now added to the list of outstanding members of the Deerfield community along with Wick, "Ernie" [Robert Gibbons '02], and Hubbell [Andrew Hubbell '01]. I guess I felt an overwhelming sense of pride that this mostly naked man saw some of himself in me.

Scroll: As captain, what are your goals for the upcoming school year?
CD: I really just want to get new students fired up, and keep school spirit high throughout the entire year.

Scroll. Who would you say you model yourself after?
CD: Charlie Rice '02. His fiery orations and presence at Deerfield were the biggest influences on me and made me the man I am today.

Scroll: Tell me, if you could be one superhero to be for a day, whom would you choose?
CD: Definitely Josh Lesko '05. He is dreamy, a super athlete, and a cool guy. He is as fast and athletic as any super hero. But in all seriousness, I would say the Incredible Hulk because, like me, his mortal body burns green with rage...it is his power...it is his curse.

Scroll: Traditionally, Captain Deerfield serves as the school's resource for motivation, support, and leadership. What quality or characteristic will you bring to the job?
CD: I plan to bring all those characteristics back to the job but with an amphigoric* touch.

Scroll: When you hear Michael Vick, you think agility. When you hear Lance Armstrong, you think strength and perseverance. When you hear Alex Hammerschlag as Captain Deerfield, what should people think?
CD: Flummery*.

Scroll: Interesting. In the past, Captain Deerfield has seemed to fade away during the winter. Can the school expect you to make an appearance at any home hockey games?
CD: Well I'll do my best to show up at any athletic event I can, but during the winter I have an obligation to my wrestling team above any other sport.

Scroll: How about Step Team, is that in your future?
CD: Unfortunately, I am a little rhythmically challenged, so I doubt I would be an asset to the Step Team.

Scroll: Captain Deerfield looks impressive on a résumé. Have you ever considered a late entry into the race for California's new governor?
CD: I think I would have a better chance than Gary Coleman. But really, politics isn't for me, or any of the other candidates for that matter.

*Our dictionaries show these definitions...Amphigoric: nonsensical...Flummery: meaningless flattery, mere nonsense.